Let Go and Let Love?

Fri, 20 May 2011 06:58:18 +0100

Love is an absolute... Either you do or you don't.. Just as someone cannot be moderately dead or half alive, one cannot be semi-loved.. This occurred to me when I realized I had to let my best friend go. I want to continue to love her but if she stays in my life I fear the love will be lost. You let things go when you love them because you understand it's for the greater good...

First, I had to give my cat back to the Last Stop Rescue people. I didn't realize there was a lesson in my saying farewell to Langston (yes, Langston). The lesson was: Sometimes the best thing for someone or something you love, cannot be given by you or through you. You have to let them find their own way... In Langston's case, I was giving him to people that could take better care of him.. He cried, I cried, but in the end, we will both be better for the experience and I will never forget the love Langston so freely gave (Another lesson learned).

After Langston was gone.. I had a feeling he wouldn't be the only one I had to let go. Sure enough, the NEXT DAY. My best friend and I decided our friendship had been exhausted... I'm not going to use this blog as a platform to argue my side of the issue because she isn't here to defend herself... I will just say "She and I should have never moved in together." PERIOD.

It's too late to turn back now but if she ever truly needed my help in the future, I would be there for her because I truly love her. Langston taught me a love that doesn't come with conditions... I cannot believe a CAT taught me the love of GOD (smh), HOWEVER, even GOD has a limit as far as what he will put up with. I don't love her less, I just love me more.. I need peace and I am sure she'd like peace as well... I guess :-)

I'd like to restate that, as one cannot not be moderately dead or half alive.... Or semi-free, no one can be loved in part. The concept of love is an absolute..

Romantic Purgatory

Thu, 12 May 2011 20:27:02 +0100

It has become painfully clear to me that I am in no position to give relationship advice. Well-- Now I am.. But I was giving it before and I shouldn't have been. You see, I have been in a relationship that's not a relationship with about 3 guys... All claiming to love me in one way or another but the heart wrenching truth is none of them loved me... Or ever will.

My... STUPID self, decided that all I wanted was the truth. I was done playing the desperate side kick, lurking for left overs and praying for tips that could trick a guy into seeing past what I looked like. No, I wanted the man to come willfully to me, and when I stopped acting like a way too friendly- loves too quickly, STALKER.... They did.

BUT, I digress... lol

Where was I? Oh yeah-- STUPID. All I cared for was the truth, so because these "men" were honest with me, I decided they were perfect for me. I let them call me when it was convenient, bought gifts I couldn't afford, entertained their not- so- sexy talk, and let them talk about their baby mama drama and other girls so that I could feel needed. I wanted to feel special and when they wanted something from me, they knew what to do, what to say, and when to call, to make me feel special.

Well.. NO MORE. I am worth love. That statement is so simple, it hurts to type it. Not because it's sad but because it took me this long to realize it. Love isn't the random phone call here and there. It isn't conversations about sex when his baby mama won't give him any. Love isn't feeling like you're standing in a sports arena holding a silver medal next to the prick who won gold shouting, "YEAH BABY! I'm number ONE!!!!"

Love is knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that through everything he has your back. Knowing for sure that unless GOD takes him, he will call you tomorrow. Love is the both of you knowing that there is no one else for you-- That you've waited all your life for the feeling that you grew wings and are prepared to fly. You won't have to compete for his affection because he won't be able to even fathom giving it to some one else... He will see the God in you and you will see the God in him.

Speaking of GOD... I totally ignored him to please "men" who don't care about me... AT ALL. Totally unlike my spiritual self... So I'd like to publicly apologize to God for my behavior. It will NEVER happen again.

Why? Because the next MAN I allow into my life will know the God I serve up front, first thing. He will love and serve my God too. We won't talk about sex because what's the point anyway? We're not allowed to do it! He won't have an off and on baby mama or girlfriend and he won't be my "friend." He'll be my FRIEND who just so happens to TRULY LOVE me and ONLY me...

I deserve that and so do you.. So do me a favor. Step out on faith and a little common sense.. Walk away from Purgatory and wait patiently on Earth for Heaven....

lyrical--prose

Let Go and Let Love?

Romantic Purgatory